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SOME THOUGHTS ON PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY

 

In life, there will always be circumstances beyond your control that affects the outcome of your endeavor. In most cases however, the effect of such circumstances could be greatly mitigated if you are willing to accept your share of responsibility in such occurrences and move on with life. There is no such a thing as failure if you learn from your mistakes. Life will only get better with every succession or increment of lessons learned. In the end, it really just depends on you and mostly you.

 

When we take responsibility, we admit we are the ones responsible for the choices we make. We, not other people or events, are responsible for the way we think and feel. It is our life, and we are in charge of it. We are free to enjoy it or disdain it. While we may not be responsible for, or control all that happens to us, we are responsible for how we think, feel, and act or react when they happen. Personal Responsibility is taking responsibility for your actions, accepting the consequences that come from those actions --even if your action was a reaction to some action or event -- and understanding that what you do may impact others.

Personal responsibility is truly the freedom to create our own lives. Note that responsibility can be equated to freedom and power. Once we become mentally and spiritually awaken to this fact, we become liberated and empowered. Once we become enlightened of this universal truth, we begin to shed our victim mentality –stop talking and complaining about others-- and gain the power to transform ourselves, and in the process, we begin to transform our surrounding. When we change from within, the people around us –the without-- change.

When you make the conscious decision to overcome your fears from within, your insticts of hate, envy, jealousy, tribalism and other negative emotional vibrations of the soul, you then begin the personal journey of spiritual transformation from within. --The metaphorical Born Again--. And the Universe from without --by virtue of the Law of Cause and Effect--will react to this transformation with a change of its own.  In this lies the secret of transforming your world --the within--and to some extent the world --the without--.

 

When we change from within, the universe –which in part are the people and events around us-- changes. That’s how changing the “within” will change the “without”. The law of cause and effect leaves the universe with no choice but to respond to the change –positive or negative-- we engender from within. In this principle lies the secret of changing our world and perhaps the world. In fact, that’s the only way we can change the world. We do not have the power to –directly--change someone else’s mind, perceptions or views. The only power we truly have is to change our own mind, our own perceptions and our own views. And when we do, the people around us will change theirs. This is very noticeable when we observe children. Children, most often will do as they see rather than as they are told to do. That’s because, they a reacting to what they perceive –as being the views, feelings or actions-- of the adults around them. 

 

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. –Albert Einstein—

If you have never failed, then you have not tried anything new –Albert Einstein—


WHAT IS ACCEPTING PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY ?

 

Ø  Acknowledging that you are solely responsible for the choices in your life and how these choices affect you.

Ø  Accepting that you are responsible for what you choose to feel or think.

Ø  Stop blaming others for the choices you have made.

Ø  Accept that others have no obligation to make you feel good about yourself or make you happy.

Ø  Do not be overly responsible for others actions. You don’t have to think you are responsible for other people’s problems.

Ø  Letting go of blame and anger toward those in your past.

Ø  Overcome the trappings of your Ego, jealousy, hate, anger, envy. Remember that others are not responsible for your problems, you are. 

Ø  Pointing the finger of responsibility back to yourself and away from others when you are discussing the consequences of your actions. 

Ø  Realizing that you determine your feelings about any events or actions addressed to you, no matter how negative they seem. 

Ø  Recognizing that you are your best cheerleader, you are your best guide. It is not reasonable or healthy for you to depend on others to make important choices for you. 

Ø  Recognizing that as you enter adulthood and maturity, you determine how your self-esteem will develop.

Ø  Protecting and nurturing your health and emotional well being.

Ø  Taking preventive health oriented steps of structuring your life with time management, stress management, confronting fears and burnout prevention.

Ø  Taking an honest inventory of your strengths, abilities, talents, virtues and positive points.

Ø  Acknowledge your weaknesses and work to improve on them.

Ø  Developing positive, self-affirming, self-talk scripts to enhance your personal development and growth.

Ø  Working out anger, hostility, pessimism and depression over past hurts, pains, abuse, mistreatment and misdirection.

 

CONSEQUENCES OF FAILING TO ACCEPT PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY:


When you have not accepted personal responsibility, you can 
run the risk of becoming:

 

v  Overly dependent on others for recognition, approval, affirmation and acceptance.

v  Chronically hostile, angry or depressed over how unfairly you are being treated.

v  Fearful about ever taking a risk or making a decision.

v  Overwhelmed by disabling fears.

v  Unsuccessful at the enterprises you take on in life.

v  Unsuccessful in personal relationships.

v  Emotionally or physically unhealthy.

v  Addicted to unhealthy substances, such as the abuse of alcohol, drugs, food or unhealthy behavior such as excessive gambling, shopping, sex, smoking, work, etc.

v  Over responsible and guilt ridden in your need to rescue and enable others in your life.

v  Unable to develop trust or to feel secure with others. Resistant to vulnerability. 

MINDSET OF PEOPLE WHO DO NOT ACCEPT PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY:

 

[  Witchcraft is what has been blocking me.

[  It’s someone else’s fault that I did not make it.

[  It's not my fault I am the way I am.

[  Life is unfair! There is no sense in trying to take control of my life.

[  You can't help me, nobody can help me. I'm useless and a failure.

[  Life is so depressing. If only I had better luck and had been born to a healthier family, or attended a better school, or gotten a better job, etc.

[   How can you say I am responsible for what happens to me in the future? There is fate, luck, politics, greed, envy, wicked and jealous people, and other negative influences that have a greater bearing on my future than I have.

[  My parents made me what I am today!

[  The problems in my family have influenced who I am and what I will be; there is nothing I can do to change that.

[  Witchcraft, Racism, bigotry, prejudice, sexism, ageism and closed-mindedness all stand in the way of my becoming what I really want to be.

[  Witchcraft has caused me to fail.


Terms used to describe those who have not accepted personal responsibility include martyrs, self-pitying, depressed, losers, quitters, chronically angry, dependent personalities, complainers, addictive personalities, blamers, stubborn, persons in denial, troubled people, stuck, fearful, pessimists, despondent, mentally unstable, obstinate, hostile, aggressive, irresponsible, weak, guilt-ridden, resistant to help, passive, irrational, insecure, neurotic, obsessed and lost.

TRAITS TO BE DEVELOPPED TO ACCEPT PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY:

 

In order to accept personal responsibility you need to develop the ability to:

 

v  Genuinely acknowledge your strength and weaknesses.

v  Let go of anger, fear, jealousy, envy, hate, blame, mistrust and insecurity.

v  Recognize that you choose your responses to the people, actions and events in your life.

v  Be open to new ideas or concepts about life and the human condition.

v  Refute irrational beliefs such as witchcraft, unfounded rumors, and overcome fears.

v  Affirm yourself positively.

v  Realize that you are the sole determinant of the choices you make.

v  Take reasonable risks to change your life.

v  Identify your priorities and goals.

v  Realize that you are in charge of the direction your life takes. 

STEPS TO LEARN TO ACCEPT PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY:


Step 1: Test yourself to the personal responsibility quiz below:


a. How frequently do you claim that others have determined what you are today?
b. How easy is it to accept that you are responsible for your choices in life?
c. How easy it is to believe that you determine the direction your life takes?
d. How easy is it to blame others for where you are today?
e. What masks do you hide behind to avoid accepting personal responsibility?
f. How rational are you in dealing with the part you played in being who you are today?
g. How easy is it to accept blame or admit mistakes?
h. How easy is it to accept that you determine your feelings when negative events occur?
i. How easy is it to depend solely on yourself for acceptance, affirmation and approval?
j. How willing are you to be the sole determinant of the health of your self-esteem?
k. How frequently do you feel sorry for yourself?
l. How easy is it to let go of guilt if you stop rescuing those in your life?
m. How willingly do you take preventive steps to ensure your physical and emotional health?
n. How successfully have you practiced self-affirmation in your life?
o. How successfully have you practiced anger work out and letting go in order to get on with your life?

Step 2: Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 5 as to the level of personal responsibility you have accepted in each of the following areas:
1 = always irresponsible
2 = usually irresponsible
3 = irresponsibility balanced out with responsibility (neutral)
4 = usually responsible
5 = always responsible

 


Rating Area in Life:
___ a. Taking the preventive and maintenance measures to ensure physical health

___ b. Taking the preventive and maintenance measures to ensure emotional health

___ c. Controlling weight and over-eating

___ d. Stopping smoking, excessive drinking and drug abuse

___ e. Controlling excessive gambling, shopping and sexual behavior

___ f. Controlling workaholism

___ g. Taking preventive and maintenance measures to ensure healthy relationships

___ h. Taking the necessary steps to overcome my current problems and troubles

___ i. Taking the necessary steps to protect myself from being victimized by my rescuing and enabling of others

___ j. Managing my time, managing the stress in my life, overcoming my fears and preventing burnout in my life

Score: A rating of 3 or less in any of the areas indicates a need to accept personal responsibility.

Step 3: Identify your beliefs that prevent acceptance of responsibility for yourself. Develop new, rational, replacement beliefs to help you accept responsibility for yourself.

Step 4: You are now ready to develop a plan of action. For each area of your life, identify that tools you will use to accept personal responsibility. The following Tools for Coping tools are available to help you determine your action plan: The Tools for Coping Tool Box.
Handling Irrational Beliefs
* Self-Affirmations
* Handling Guilt
* Building Trust
* Handling Insecurity
* Becoming Vulnerable
* Overcoming Fears
* On Becoming a Risk Taker
* Spirituality
* Time Management
Stress Reduction
* Preventing Burnout
* Overcoming Perfectionism 
Write your plan of action in your journal. Date and sign it. You are now ready to begin accepting personal responsibility.

Step 5: If you still have trouble in accepting responsibility for yourself, return to Step 1 and begin again.

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